I took a month of from the DMPS and that did seem to help. I had my 17th infusion on Friday and I felt good for most of that day but now I'm feeling suicidal again. The DMPS definitely aggravates my suicidal tendencies. I will probably wait three or four weeks before I take another infusion.

Laura and Russ, I reread your words of encouragement and I hope that you're right because right now I feel that there is nothing to live for.

I'm trying to go to this special clinic in Reston, VA (see www.amenclinic.com) for brain scans. Most psychiatrists don't use brain scans but the doctor that established this clinic believes that they are very helpful. He uses drugs but he also uses alternative medicine. Unfortunately, I am going to have to fight with managed health care where I work to get the money to go and that won't be easy.