News you won't see in controlled mainstream media.

I have dealt with terrible loneliness all of my life. Just tonight a friend of mine was urging me to date but I told him that I can't take that kind of stress. All he could say is that I have to accept life the way that it is if I can't pursue a relationship.

I'm 43 and I've never dated or married. Every time I try to initiate a relationship it causes terrible anxiety and seizure like feelings. I know from my brain scans that I am having seizure activity.

I've read that mercury poisoning causes timidity and shyness and that could explain why I'm in the position that I'm in now. However, nobody but me believes that mercury is holding me back. They all think that it's my fault because I'm not trying hard enough.

What do you think?

It's nothing to do with you as a person. It is toxicity and I've had the same thing my whole life and continue to do so. I've had to accept that I won't ever get anybody, nor could I cope with it anyway. My suffering is extreme most days, my outlook is changeable, mood changeable and I'm fearful, depressed and half the time, my own father has to look after me.

I've heard all this before also. I've had to ignore it becuase I know it's not true. I don't know why this is happening, I've prayed for it to stop for YEARS on end and nothing really ever comes right. The remote inbetween patches of thinking I'm improving, are usually destroyed by something else that comes along.

Sorry for the depressive response. But just so you know, it's pretty common in toxic people to feel this way and live this way. Your focus should only be on getting yourself through eachday and patting yourself on the back everytime you may it through another day, plus striving to find improvements/answers. The last thing that you should be doing is tryign to figure out why you're not living like other people. Your suffering is worse, it's internal and affects every single thing about you and how you look at life.

Your trying harder than any of those around you, who don't how one clue what it's like to have what you have, if they did? They'd be in the same position themselves.

It has nothing to do with not trying hard enough. People who have not been mercury toxic simply don't understand how hard it is. Mercury changes your very emotions.

I spent the majority of my life in depression, feeling suicidal and in emotional pain, which was mostly very intense loneliness (as you said).

I'm 42 and single because of mercury. Every relationship I've been in (I've been in about 14) was initiated by the other person because I was too shy (low esteem, etc.) to initiate a relationship myself. I didn't allow any of the relationships to continue too long (most were about 3 months, a few up to 2 years) because of a fear of commitment. This is a real loss for me because many of these woman were fantastic people who I would have married had I not been in mercury-induced fear.

Anyway, we're all in this together and I have put relationships in the custody of God. I also don't covet a relationship anymore like I used to. I learned that we basically cannot handle the things we covet so we either don't get them or if we already have them, we lose them.

Persist and I believe there will be great joy at the end of this road, now matter what it looks like now.

HI Russ, for me I had amalgams removed ten years ago now, so it's more then mercury nowand gone past even that stage. Which is why I'm suicidal now daily. I was improving years ago, but had damage done to my immune system from a viral infection that has never left me, plus other issues have also occured as to cause a permanent condition. Though I strive daily, there are little to no results.

But thanks for passing on your own stuff. I'm very glad to hear you got well and triumphed over the mercury, and sorry it's stuffed up possible life long unions, but no surprise there. , a mercury toxic person is shy, volatile, changeable and often near impossible to live with. The only person who can live with me is Dad.

I can barely tolerate myself and in actual fact shut myself off from most people everyday.

I too have placed too much important on wanting to be in a relationship so I could be like other people and have kids, so much so that it gets almost obsessive, yet at the sametime I don't want it. So I go from wanting it to being afraid by it if it and really have no idea what I want, I just don't even know how to feel most of the time. Which is why it's good I never did get with anybody, as the stuff Iv'e been through has been borderline hell on earth. Not easy for my family either.

I've ruined relationships in the past. I still keep in touch with one, but goes no further now.

It's almost like everything I've asked for from God, He's either not answered or I've had the opposite and it makes it very har to continue believing at the best of times. But what else is there?

You're right, many of us are in this together! I'm so grateful to have found this forum, that I do know. And thanks a lot for the kind words and support. I really wish God would intervene in this world and things would alter drastically.

anyway, guess it's wishful thinking.

Cheers! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I hear what you're saying. There is so much torment that goes along with mercury that it's difficult for people to understand if they have not experienced it.

I try to explain it to people this way...

You know how some people take drugs and it makes them feel really good both physically and emotionally? Well, mercury is just like that except it makes you feel really bad both physically and emotionally. Many then say to me, "Oh." That makes more sense now that you've explained it that way.

People don't usually associate toxicity with emotions until you bring this to their attention. What about cocaine or pot? Why do people do those things? Because it changes the way you feel!

I get frustrated hearing about how some on this forum are not recovering. I don't mean that I don't want to hear it. I do want to hear it. I just wish there was something that can be done. In fact, I know there is something that can be done. I know that because there is a cause and so there must be a cure. The cure is: Removing the cause; So the real challenge is: Finding the cause.

If I had a lot of money, I'd like to fly people out here, put them up in some kind of comfortable place, and work with them day-by-day and systematically find the cause. I'd keep a journal and survey the persons physical and emotional state each day and start to look for patterns. I believe it could be found, it just takes a lot of systematic elimination.

Anyway, I do hope you and Aaron feel better and do find the cause. If it is mercury, I hope you find out why chelation is not working.

There are other causes as well. For example, I went out photographing chemtrails earlier this year and ended up getting a bunch of symptoms, like severe muscle aches; Much like fibromyalgia. I found out that the type of chemtrails that are most common in this area contain a lot of aluminum. I found out that malic acid chelates aluminum so I started taking it (Fibralgia (Fibro-Malic)) and the muscle aches were gone in less than a day. It's amazing what a little research can turn up, but I know sometimes answers are elusive.

Please keep trying to get to the bottom of it.

I know what you mean, Russ. I know others in my own life that are suffering greatly but I don't have the resources to help them. I can barely help myself.

Is there hope? I don't know what else I can do.

Sorry if I have already asked this, but I get everyone confused- are you guys taking lots of magnesium and and B vitamins? These (especially the mg) have been a life saver for me physically and mentally. I Know what you are saying about people not understanding or believing that the hg could cause you to act or behave a certain way. VERY frustrating. I am married though I was extremely shy also , but I think being a female is easier since you (at least back then) don't have to be the one asking and such. My husband has seen me go through so much and still if I have a toxic reaction to something I can't avoid (chemicals etc) and become irritable, withdrawn and unpleasant, he still wants to tell me that I should be able to "just have a better attitude" and "get over it". I tried explaining it to him many times, but....

On a positve note, I now have days that are so amazing that I almost want to cry to think that I lived so many years locked up in that horrible way. When I have these days (and they are happening more and more) I am just so thankful for them.

As far as wanting something that you feel isn't going to happen, just try to focus on improving your health and things will fall into place for you. It may not be what you had thought about earlier in your life, but I do believe it will be good <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I'm in my 30's now and never had a relationship. I have always held back for feelings of inadequacy, due to my mental problems and physical limitations - but also to not meeting the right person. I too have been extremely depressed about being single and the thought of always being so has got me down - but I try not to think that I never will meet someone anymore, or to focus on what I "can't" offer, but what I "can". I do think it is a lot in our heads (by that I don't mean our fault, but how mercury has muddled our brain) because people with illness and disabilities get married all the time. So, for me the biggest challenge is in my head - to say myself and others "I am what I am" and to believe that I am loveable and desirable romantically.

The world today has a very messed up version of love. We are constantly bombarded with the message we must be perfect to be loved. It's a message we have to de-condition ourselves from and fight against, because no one is perfect, and even if they are perfect physically, their personality may leave a lot to be desired.

Aaron, regarding the seizures, have you tried staying away from all food containing glutamic acid? Glutamic acid, aspartic acid, cysteine, aspartame and monosodium glutamate MSG, causes a sensitive brain to overfire, it feels like short seizure attacks. They are exitorary amino acids and pretty lethal to a mercury toxic brain. Also vitamin E has helped with my seizure activity. The diet change, vitamin E plust staying away from anything with calcium has given me a new lease of life. The calcium channels in the brain are opened by the exitorary amino acids triggering even more excessive firing from the excessive calcium deposists flowing freely into the cells. Thought I would give this mention.........

Thanks for the information. I know about the dangers of MSG and aspartame and I try to avoid them but I'm sure that I'm not avoiding all of those things.

I am taking vitamin E with selenium.

Today I was popping vitamin C and algin like candy and that seems to have given me some relief.

I so agree with your about the messed-up messages about love.

I've been tempted to write a small book about this (with all my free time <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />), but the bottom line is that most of the "mainstream" messages that refer to love actually describe fear. It's really amazing.

Hi, I mentioned the glutamic acid and seizures above. Another thing might worth thinking about is blood sugar levels. If you happen to be craving carbs and sugars, your insulin levels could be too high resulting in too low blood sugar. This can acutally cause seizures......and a whole list of mental and physical symptoms similar to mercury toxicity. I previously thought I had a candida problem, but it turned out I had low glucose tolerance meaning every time I eat something remotely sweet, such as rice, pasta, fruit, my pancreas would send out a rush of insulin making my blood sugar level go drastically low giving me the shakes, anxiety and palpitations, headache and sweats. This would then make my body send out signals to eat carbs fast and the cycle would continue........

When I first went on the candida diet I felt wonderful after getting rid of most of the die off...and now realize it was mostly because I was eating totally natural foods. No eating out and no packaged food....absolutely nothing processed, everything was cooked by me or came right out of the ground. Oh, except for the odd can of beans ...when I didn't have time to do the soaking.

And that was the best I felt until I got the mercury out. Since then I have relaxed my diet and I do eat some processed foods, but the closer I eat to nature, the better I feel. And no sugar or no alcohol. I had a few treats and drinks this past holiday season and got away with it, but I am starting to feel the effects and have to get back on track. The isolation, depression, anxiety, resentment are all easing their way back into my moods. Honest to God, it is scarey to think that I might go back there. So I am making my flax muffins as I write.... <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" />, no more butter tarts or shortbread, even though they are made with rice flour, they still had sugar...and that stuff is poision for everyone, not just us mercury toxic.

Try and stick as close to possible to the Maker's diet and I am betting you will see huge gains. We are so sensitive from the mercury, every little bit of toxins slowly accummulate in our liver. Just give it a shot and see if it doesn't help.

Best luck and Happy New Year to all!!!

Sandi
xoxo

This is very interesting, there is so much about relationships and sexuality in the mainstream media but for some reason I don't feel confortable when I read the articles. It's not limited to love but too other things too.. for some reason that I don't understand i feel bad when I read the headlines even if it is about positive things like love. I get the impression that they want people to feel insecure but this makes no sense??? And why there are always more articles about sex and love in the media? Nowadays we are getting bombarded with this crap? Do people like that? I don't. Do you?

Can you quote a few of the typical 'mainstream messages' ?

I think I may see your point on that .


As far as I'm concerned, there are two types of love. There is selfish love that expects something in return, and there is unselfish love that just wants to make the other person happy and cares about their welfare while not expecting anything in return--even not getting noticed for their love.

The Media and our World System focuses on "Me myself and I"-- and so it would only make sense that we as a society are brainwashed into thinking the first type of love-- the type where we want something back in return-- the type that we feel we need to feel good about ourselves , would be what we all think is normal love.

True love, however, is in a much higher, unselfish level than that.

Hi. No, I don't like the sex-hype thing in the media. It seems today you can't watch anything on tv without nudity/sex or sexual violence. I personally don't find it entertaining and a few people I know also don't like it, but we are expected to like it and apparently are prudish if we don't.

Mainstream messages I have picked up as a woman are below. A male perspective will probably be different.

Thin is beautiful, fat is unattractive.

Too thin is scrawny and unattractive.

Anything less than flawless skin is flawed and you need heavy make up or some fancy products

A woman is not attractive without make-up

A man expects sex on the first date or within the first week of dating. The liberated woman will give it.

Whether you are worth marrying or not depends on how good you are in bed.

We mustn't have baggage of any kind to be loved, because no one wants to help carry it. Tell everything to a shrink, don't bother your friends or spouse with your problems. Communication doesn't make a marriage, sex and material possessions do.

Material things make us happy, so have more.

Talent is less imporant than looks. SIngers/actors and so forth, must be beautiful rather than fantastic in their craft. Writers must put in sex/nudity.

Getting old is unacceptable - get cosmetic surgery.

This is why I can no longer read the paper, or watch TV, or read any magazines now. I cannot stand any of it and if I read or watch, I end up hating the human race. I steer clear or I watch something I already have on video or DVD.

In my condition, I cannot handle anything else. I agree with all you're saying, the junk being put across now is unbelieveable. Is it any wonder people commit suicide, when they're handed such garbage all the time? It gives a person no real meaning for their lives.

IT's good to hear this because you can really start to believe you're alone in it. As the blatant talantless people out there now who not once ounce of charisma, manage to become major icons and stars and yes simply because they look a certain way (which is fast becoming tedious, they all look much the same).

THis is happening in many areas of life though. And it's best avoided. I remember I always used to by the magazines with the gossip and goings on and oneday I remember thinking "why am I reading this and paying money for it?" It leaves you worse off than before you read it and poorer for it (in more ways than one).

I think that you become very sensitive if you are mercury toxic. Many things in the media are not good for us but mercury toxic people will become depressed earlier than normal people when they are exposed to this crap.

I believe that our society would be much happier if we wouldn't be exposed to the perfect people in the media.
It makes us feel inferior and superior at the same time. If we have more money we will feel that we are better than the uneducated and the poor and still we will feel bad because our body isn't perfect and other people are much wealthier than we are. The truth is many of the so called successful and beautiful people look great on the outside but feel like a failure inside. A pretty face and lots of money won't make your life happier. The media and advertising insists that this is important for our life and we can only be happy if we follow their 'rules'. In the past wealth and education were important but in the last decades it became always more important how we look. There is nothing wrong with health and beauty and success but their message is you HAVE to do it or you will be worthless.

You're defintely not alone. I am the same. I hardly watch tv, don't buy newspapers or magazines, and tend to stick to my trusted videos and DVDs or the classics. I find the shows and movies otherwise to be very depressing and frustrating. Even the popular music of today leaves much to be desired (in my view) as the songs are generally sexual and the videos even more so.

I also believe it's all contributing to psychological problems.

Hi everyone, i have 2 kids and a partner and i still feel extremly lonely, i cant help it, i feel like i belong on a nother planet. When i go out shopping or something, i cant help looking around me at all the people and thinking i just dont fit in.
I have had this symptom on and off all my life although i still managed to have relationships.
Im very shy and have never in my life asked a man out, i just never had any confidence, it sounds strange but when im at social or family gatherings i tend to go the bathroom alot to get away from the crowds and also to look in the mirror to see if i really am human.
I also dont watch much TV, i watch documentries, sometimes the news and some films but i hardly buy magazines, i like real life stories.

"How am I supposed to live without you?"

"How can I go on?"

"I'm nothing without you."

"You're all I have."

"Life would be nothing without you."

"I'm lost without you."

"I'd die without you."

"I'm lost without your love."

"I can't hold on."

"I need you."

These are all so common to us today that we don't even think twice about them. Unfortunately, they sound a lot more like the words of a desperate psychotic stalker than the words of a person who has chosen to love.

There are seven Hebrew words for love (brotherly love, romantic love, sexual love, etc) but none of them depict the kind of codependent, fear-based stuff we hear from mainstream media, music, and advertising, and those industries would certainly lose a significant market share if we didn't depend on their goods and services to keep us feeling good about ourselves until we can find someone else to buy stuff for.

In this day, fear—unfortunately—is very profitable in nearly every industry, even for government contractors.

Demi and Russ, you hit the nail on the head. This is the nature of our sinful, fallen world. The message is that if you're not young, beautiful, and rich that you're worthless. God forbid that anyone be "mentally ill" like I am. The thought is that "mentally ill" people are mostly responsible for their own problems and that they deserve no compassion or help.

I have run into some people that think differently but they are definitely in the minority. God said that men's hearts would grow cold and he was absolutely right.

Some day I wish that God would bring a woman into my life that would accept me as I am (though I am trying to get better) but so far that has not happened. One woman even told me that the primary reason that she didn't want to go out with me is that I suffer from depression and she felt like I could do more to control it.

mental illness is completely missunderstood in society. Nobody will ask you to control your blood sugar or blood pressure with your toughts but people think you can control your depression or anxiety.

I was told don't waste your time searching for physical causes of your depression there aren't you have a lack of willpower to change your life thats why your are so unhappy.

I remember sitting in Carrabba's restaurant after work one day with my business partner and an employee. It was several days before my amalgam removal. I was feeling uncontrollably depressed and didn't know why.

I told the people I was with to forgive me for being so quiet but I could not control that way I was feeling. It was intense. I told them that I knew nothing was wrong but that I could not help but to feel this way.

A few minutes later I realized that I had eaten a tuna fish sandwich each of the previous three days. Tuna, of course, contains high amounts of mercury. I repeated this a few days later (this time on purpose just to see the effect) and had the exact same results emotionally.

I sympathize with people who have not put together the pieces of the puzzle—connecting emotions to diet. I didn't for most of my life either. However, there comes a time when we have to realize this: If emotions were not based on a physical process (i.e. chemistry), there would be no such thing as antidepressants or "recreational" drugs. When people say, "I'm high", they're talking about an emotion that's directly related to a drug. Give a kid a Coke and some M & M's and see how their behavior changes in the following 20 minutes. This behavior change is related directly to emotions.

I believe most of us on this forum have made the connection that depression is not controllable just by trying. It is a chemical process that, I believe in only a very few special cases, can be helped by acts of the will, and so we do understand the struggle, both emotional and relating to friends and family who do not understand. It's good to know there is common sense on this forum. <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />


In case it helps anyone... Through experimentation with myself before amalgam removal, I discovered that both (processed, i.e. "refined") sugar and caffeine caused considerable depression in me. After amalgam removal, the effects of these toxins are negligible in most cases.