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Its'a nice to hear from you Demi, I was just thinking about you today and wondering how you are.

Thanks, Tracy <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Good to hear from you too <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think about you and everyone here a lot, just don't have the time to participate as much as I used to. As to my health, I have good days and bad days. I was doing really great for about 6 months after having some fillings removed, but for the past few months not so good - probably the "dump" that happens, and I also slacked in my diet. I definitely have had improvement, though - just smalll things, but every little I am thankful for.

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. I still at the moment am keeping an open mind.

I do believe one should always keep an open-mind.


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As i've said earlier on the thread I would love to have a strong faith and believe. It must be such a comfort, but at the moment I just don't feel it.

I have had ups and downs with my faith. I've generally always beieved in a God - there have been times I've doubted- but have often questioned the nature of that God, if he really cared for me, if I mattered to him etc. But I think those times I was angry with God, or afraid of God.

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I think I'm pretty much still in shock from events that happened at my house last week. Apart from the illness, and I'm sure the Anons are going to give me ahard time again and say I'm whining, but something so terrible happened that I can't and I'm not sure I'll ever get over it. I know everyones going through their own pain and I don't think mine is any greater than anyone else's, but I'm not handling things well at all. I hate change in the family. Mum and dad have split after 53 years together and both are dying. My whole family has broken apart because of this. This caused me a great deal of pain, but what happened last week, shocked me and broke my heart. I won't go into detail but I have lost my son forever. I know things can never be mended and I just can't get my head around it. I remember him as my baby and child and now I don't know him at all. As i say I appreciate that many others on the forum have tragedies and painful things, I suppose it's just that I can't deal with things well at the moment. Thats why I wish I felt that faith , but for now I just can't and it's a very lonely place to be. I don't know what I'd do without my friends on here. I'm having a challenge test at the hospital tomorrow and 4 hours IV chelation. Pretty scared, but I know I've got to do something to get started. Lots of Love Tracy x

I'm so sorry for what has happened. I know from my own life that emotional pain on top of dealing with the mercury issues is very tough. I also know it is hard to feel close to God when bad things are happening, maybe because we blame God in some way, or want him to make all the problems disappear etc. If you have half-a-faith maybe you could try talking to God, or to Jesus, as you would to a friend. I do believe God always listens. Even though I've always believed, there have been times I've been very depressed, discouraged and despaired of the future. But faith can be a comfort, so having it definitely can enrich someone's life and help with the loneliness. But it's also not something we can force. We either believe or we don't. Try to stay positive and remember that everything comes to pass and the pain of today will soon belong to yesterday.