News you won't see in controlled mainstream media.

Aaron mate, I can empathise with you. I have had clinical depression for 3 years and have had spells where I was full of despair, and suicidal. The fact of my daughter's existance is the only reason why I am still here. I know about the dehumanisation, the emotional numbness, the tearfulness and consuming anxiety for no reason, the loss of everything that ever made you, you. And I know that when you see other people who are happy, who have no clue what you are going through and wouldn't understand if you tried to explain, you can feel so alone.

We know what it is like NOT to be this way too, though, don't we? We haven't been depressed all our lives. And every now and then for some unknown reason, I get a little window, usually shorter than a day but it's there, and I feel a little better. When that happens I remind myself of what it feels like to be alive, and I make mental notes of my thoughts. That I do love my husband and daughter. That there is colour and life in the world around me, and that they can touch me and make me feel. It's easy to forget what "normal" is when you go through motnh after month of feeling awful.

For my part, I gave up my teaching job 5 years ago to have a baby. Being at home with few adults to talk to, nothing to do with my brain, no satisfaction to be gained from a job, no money, has pulled me down I think. But it's also possible that mercury is an issue, which is why I am here. I didn't have any fillings in my mouth, then got 4 amalgams, and two months later the depression hit me from out of the blue. 5 weeks ago I had the amalgams out, and am currently on my third round of chelation.

I do think it is important to remind ourselves of what makes us happy, and to try to keep things in perspective, because depression can really skew a person's view of the world. Someone suggested to me recently that I keep a notebook by my bed and every night write 3 positive things that happened in the day, even if they seem like small things, such as playing with my little girl. I found it helped because I could list all the cr*p that happened in the day, but often overlooked the good things that had happened, and sometimes it was hard to remember them. But they were there. How about trying it Aaron? <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />